Lemme tell you something about my eyelashes. They are short. They are thin. And they stick straight down onto my oily skin. So what's a girl to do? Well, if you're like me, you'll spend money on a few expensive mascaras and an eyelash curler only to come to the realization that higher beings just did not mean for you to wear mascara.
I started with this:
It seemed fine on application--I mean, I was 34 and buying mascara for the first time, so really, what did I know. By the end of the day (or, to be honest, by the end of a few hours), I would have raccoon eyes. Ironically, the waterproof portion of the mascara would kick in at that point (a little late to the game, aren't ya?) and I'd have a helluva time trying to shmear the hypnotic undereye circles from my face.
After looking for help on the internet, I decided to buy an eyelash curler. This would solve all my problems, and I would have big batty lash eyes.
No, no, that's not how this story ends. No matter how I used this, the raccoon eyes would still appear. Also, a note about me and this curler. I knew I was doing something wrong when I could feel pain, much like someone was tweezing out my eyelashes one by one, when I was using the curler. The problem was that I didn't know quite how to fix the issue. I then devised an acrobatic method in order for this curler to have effect, but it is my belief that yet again, the shortness of my eyelashes were foiling me, as there just isn't much to work with. I mean, in order to get this to work, I practically had to surgically embed the curler at least 1-inch deep into my face.
So then I thought, Lancome mascara, this is your fault. I will switch loyalties. And I bought this:
I think when they sold me the box, they snickered and scratched out the "No" in "No Smudge". Needless to say, this didn't work either. But I kept at it. I thought I needed to curl my eyelashes more. At a certain point I was so agitated that my curling efforts left my lashes going straight out of my face and then taking a sharp 90 degree turn up towards the sky. Not exactly a natural look.
In the end I gave up, not even finishing the tube of mascara. And I went mascara-less for a few months. This was a good time in my life. Then for some reason I got the urge again, seeing that unused rose gold eyelash curler mocking me in the morning, to try another mascara.
So I bought this:
I used this for exactly 1 day. When I saw the telltale raccoon rings, I knew it was a no-go. I'm trying to think of how not to let the almost full tube of mascara not go to waste. I considered becoming the world's premier mascara artist, where I brush the mascara freestyle against a canvas and sell it for 40 million bucks.
I don't think my mascara foibles speak so much as to the quality of these mascaras (because you will see tons of reviews loving them), but more about the quality of my eyelashes. As in, not high. Maybe I'm just not meant to be a mascara-wearing lady. It is a sobering thought to categorize oneself in an exclusionary manner, but I suppose we all must accept truths about ourselves in order to function and not rip the living daylights off our delicate undereye epidermis in efforts to deal with raccoon eyes.